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March 20, 2001
I Will Run After You
Praise you Lord! How I long to see your glory, God! You are faithful and just, you pour your mercies and your grace to us! God, fill my heart, fill my life and soul… "How gracious He will be when you cry for help!" God I'm crying for help! God show me the way for me to walk. Lead me in the right direction, laed me not into temptation… and give me one pure and holy passion; give me one magnificent obsession; give me one glorious ambition for my life; to know and follow hard after you. Lead me on and I will run after you! Amen
Tonight was again amazing. I don't know if I'm writing in my journal or talking to God. Chris spoke on prayer tonight, and it confirmed thought I've been having about knowing there's so much more than just talking with God. Prayer is deep and important, and necessary. Monday, Bredan at the Embassy was talking about our 'Final Answer'… we have to make our own choices, we were given that priveledge, and we need to use that to follow the right path. "If you don't stop and change direction, you just may end up where you're heading".
Everything seemed to piece together tonight. No choice is beyond my control. I have the choice to give in to temptation or not. I need to conciously make that decision. I have a choice to earnestly seek God, to spend time in my spiritual life in worship and devotion and prayer. I need to conciously make that decision, daily. When I pray, I need to focus on God, I need to devote time to being with God. Prayer is direct, knowing, confirming, believing, not fighting His reluctance but laying hold of His desire. God wants to bless us, to help us, to be with us. We just need to ask. I need to take notes when Chris does devotionals… references from James… I have a new focus in prayer now. Even to the point of praying for endurance in prayer.
I came home to a time of passionate worship, even though quiet. As usual I was filled with doubt and longing and regret and sorrow and joy… through all these, my worship was my prayer. "If my people will humble themselves and pray, I will heal their land" was sung, and perfectly paralleled and major scripture from tonight. (ref?) I was longing for a personal touch by God, the kind the pentecost receive, the place where you're no longer feeling yourself, caring where you are; you are just filled with the spirit. I come to that point and my mind fills with doubts and excuses. My physical battles with my spiritual… I had bouts of happy, sad, anger, joy in the span of seconds… tears and no tears… prayer for healing and intimacy flowed. I felt surrounded and free, in the presence of God. With my bible in hand, I prayed without doubt that God would show me a scripture that would encourage me if not blow me away. I haven't had an answer to a prayer like that for quite some time. Lo and behold, I open to Isaiah 30:19-22… my favourite - "You will defile your idols.. and say to them, 'Away with you!'" I am in awe at how God works.
I'm making a daily prayer, common things, special things, important things, to show how much I'm seeking an answer, and knowing God hears them, patience and expectance will be the answer.
When I think about the amount of work I want to undertake, the discipline I'll need to accomplish it, the desire to do so, I quiver… so I will pray for those things. Continuously… Solomon prayed for wisdom, and God gave it to him. Elijah prayed for drought, and it stopped raining for 3 ½ years. Then he prayed for rain, and God sent rain. The bible is the word of God. The bible is God's revealed will. Pray within God's will and in Jesus' name, and He will hear those prayers and answer them. Amen
[ previous entry - February 06, 2001 ]
[ next entry - March 21, 2001 ]